The Offline Diaries Read online

  I got so hungry that my belly growled, and Ade unzipped her pink backpack and offered me a packet of salt-and-vinegar crisps. First of all, who actually chooses to eat salt-and-vinegar crisps? And, second of all, she’s so nice!!! I never make friends this easily. Okay, not gonna get my hopes up just yet – it’s been one conversation. I probably won’t see her much anyway. Ohhhhh, she’s just sent me a friend invite on ChatBack …

  

  @PrincessSuperAde: Hey! Nice meeting you today :)

  @_Shannyxo: Hey :) You too. Made my day at the hair shop go much quicker!

  @PrincessSuperAde: You made my day being dragged along to the hair shop with my mum and sister go much quicker too, so thanks :’) lol.

  @PrincessSuperAde: What are you going to be doing for the rest of the weekend? Anything fun planned?

  @_Shannyxo: I mean, unless being sat in the shop helping my dad out is considered fun then … nope :’) You?

  @PrincessSuperAde: Me either. My mum is making us go to church with her tomorrow morning, first thing. We’ve only been here five minutes, not sure how she’s managed to find one already …

  @_Shannyxo: Loooool that was fast! You should definitely try and stop by the shop after if you have time. Would be really nice to chat again. You can bring Funmi along too.

  @PrincessSuperAde: I’ll only come if Funmi is NOT allowed to!!!

  @_Shannyxo: Okay, deal lol! But she’s actually sweet!

  @PrincessSuperAde: You say that because you don’t know her properly yet lol.

  @_Shannyxo: Looool. Well, she can’t be as bad as my brother.

  @PrincessSuperAde: :’) We’ll see!

  @_Shannyxo: When you do come next, you can decorate my journal if you still want to.

  @PrincessSuperAde: Really? Yay! With pink stuff, of course ;) This is going to be so fun. Can’t believe I’ve actually managed to find something I like about this town!

  @_Shannyxo: Awww, thanks! I like you too!

  @PrincessSuperAde: I do miss my old place though. And my school. And my mates :( All the memories.

  @_Shannyxo: That sucks :( Hopefully, you’ll make some new even better ones here though?

  @PrincessSuperAde: Hopefully :)

  @_Shannyxo::)

  @_Shannyxo: Ugh, my dad’s lost the remote and obviously it’s up to me, never James, to help him find it >:( I’m going to go now, but speak to you soon?

  @PrincessSuperAde: Yeah, cool :) Speak soon! We can sort out when we’re meeting up next and stuff.

  @_Shannyxo: Yeah, sure. I’ll probably message you after school for a moan too. Another day in hell, i.e. Archbishop Academy.

  @PrincessSuperAde: What :O??? You go to Archbishop Academy?

  @_Shannyxo: Yeah, why, have you heard of it?

  @PrincessSuperAde: Heard of it? I start on Monday :’)

  @_Shannyxo: NO WAY :O

  @PrincessSuperAde: YES WAY!

  @_Shannyxo: This is completely crazy!

  @PrincessSuperAde: This is the best news EVER, is what it is! What tutor group are you in?

  @_Shannyxo: I’m in 8O … how about you? Please say you’re in 8O …

  @PrincessSuperAde: I’M IN 8O.

  @_Shannyxo: Are you just saying that?

  @PrincessSuperAde: Shanice, I’m in 8O! My tutor is called Mr Oppong???

  @_Shannyxo: OMG. We’re in the same tutor group!

  @PrincessSuperAde: This just gets better and better.

  @_Shannyxo: It does! Mr Oppong sucks, but at least you’ll make the mornings a bit less rubbish!

  @PrincessSuperAde: Yay! I can’t believe I’m excited about school lol.

  @_Shannyxo: :D

  @_Shannyxo: So I guess I’ll see you on Monday?

  @PrincessSuperAde: I guess you will! Let’s meet outside the school gates
  

  Hey,

  I woke up to the sound of my dad blasting out reggae this morning. He always says it reminds him of his childhood in St Lucia. ‘You kids don’t get it,’ he says. I always loved its warm weather, clear blue sea and sandy beaches. So I do kind of get what he’s saying! But I’ll never tell him that!

  He was really going for it today, playing all his favourites, which I’ve heard a million and ten times before. I think it just reminds him of Mum. He does this in the mornings, when he misses her the most. It’s his way of remembering her. They met at university and became inseparable. ‘They were really in love,’ my aunties always say.

  The last time we went to St Lucia was probably one of my last happy memories of us as a family. We almost missed our flight because – surprise, surprise – James couldn’t get his act together. He didn’t know what to pack, so wanted to take everything and anything. If you saw the amount he did eventually pack, it was actually crazy – as if he thought he was a famous model being flown out to a Paris fashion show like in the movies. He had a massive row with Dad the morning we had to leave for the airport, which made us so late we almost missed our flight. Is it bad to say that I wished we had missed it so James would get the blame and the golden child would have been a little less golden?

  One thing I would say about my big brother though is that he does have sick dress sense, and sometimes I catch myself admiring how well he puts outfits together and makes everything look effortless and (dare I say) cool. I can’t believe I just wrote that. He most definitely isn’t cool to me, but to the untrained eye he might be.

  He gets his fashion sense from Mum. She was effortlessly stylish in the way she dressed, and when she walked into a room people would stare at her. Her signature look was her long, waist-length blonde braids. Sometimes she put beads in them, which made so much noise they drove Dad crazy! But, when we were out and people admired them, he’d tell everyone it was his favourite hairstyle – adults are so fake! Dad always says he loved Mum’s fierceness and individuality. I agree with that. She was never afraid to be herself.

  Anyway, that was a good trip to St Lucia. So, even though Dad wakes me up with this loud music, it really does make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. St Lucia is like a home away from home. Sometimes, when I’m feeling a bit meh, it’s one of my favourite places to daydream about.

  I tried to sit alone with my thoughts before I mustered the courage to go downstairs. I really love daydreaming. There’s just something special about closing your eyes and imagining things. I can daydream so vividly, it almost feels real – I think it’s my superpower!

  I came down to find Dad trying to make breakfast, and when I say trying I really mean trying. He always insists on cooking breakfast every morning. He does this elaborate thing when he’s frying an egg. It’s like that egg is the most important thing in the world. He looks at it, sometimes even sings to it. It’s as if he’s trying to persuade the egg to taste really good! He does his best with the cooking, but it’s always a bit bland these days.

  What I really wanted to eat was my leftover birthday cake. Seven centimetres of red-velvet goodness. Yeah, I’d much rather have that for breakfast.

  I really can’t believe Ade is going to be in my class. She’s the girl I met yesterday at Dad’s salon. She seems like good vibes and, trust me, that class needs hella good vibes.

  I told Dad about Ade going to my school, and he’s surprised that I actually like her because I don’t like anyone … apparently. And he’s really happy that she’ll be in my class – and, to be honest, I’m super excited too. Finally, I might just have a reason to turn up to that dreaded place every day!

  However, this Sunday is another long day at Dad’s salon. I’d much rather just stay at home and do some writing, but I’m somehow not grown-up enough according to Dad. I’m old enough to help out in the shop though. Interesting how adults make up rules to suit themselves.

  Anyway, I tried to avoid everyone in there today. Whenever the door opened, I couldn’t help but hope it was Ade walking in. But it was only Dad’s usual customers who come in on a Sunday after church. Always so dressed up and always so loud.

  The kids at school used to make fun of me because Dad does hair. They said it was a girly thing and not what dads should do. I came home once in tears because one of the Double-A girls – the meanest ones in my year – made a comment that really hurt my feelings. But I had to hold it in as I didn’t want them to see that it bothered me. Deep down, I just wanted to burst out crying and yell back that they didn’t know what they were talking about and to shut their big mouths. But I didn’t – I sat in the girls’ toilet all lunchtime, praying nobody would come in. Can you imagine eating lunch in the toilet? Very icky and not very nice.

  But that’s the thing about those girls: they’re not nice. When I ran home that day, Mum gave me the biggest hug and made me feel safe. One of her favourite sayings was, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.’ I did feel better once she warmed me up with one of her famous hot chocolates with marshmallows on the side, and we’d watched my favourite film. Anyway, who gets to decide what anyone should do when they grow up?

  Mrs P asked me what I wanted to be once, and at first I didn’t know how to answer.

  ‘Er, I dunno. Maybe a vet?’

  She looked at me in the way only Mrs P would. ‘Interesting choice – I never did like pets when I was growing up, but cats are nice!’

  Of all the animals, she chooses a cat – she’s so dull! Honestly, I find cats super boring. They just sit there – not exciting enough for me! I love dogs, but they’re still kind of basic. Once you’ve played with them a few times, there’s not much else to do. My favourite animals are all the really exotic ones that you don’t find in my local area – the ones you see on safari or on those TV shows that have nature’s coolest-looking creatures. Like an African lion, which the voiceover always refers to as the ‘king
of the jungle’ – although I’m not so sure how they rule the jungle as they always look very laid-back – and anyway do they even live in jungles? I’m fascinated by zebras; they have the most beautiful black-and-white striped coats. Dad says each individual’s stripes are unique.

  I would love to go on safari one day. I can’t imagine anything more dreamy. Whenever I see them advertised on TV, I always rush to turn the volume up. James just doesn’t get it. But I believe animals are better than humans: they don’t bother anyone; they’re not mean for no reason; they just need food and water and that’s it – they leave you alone.

  Lucky for me, right opposite Dad’s salon is a pet shop, Petsland. It wasn’t open today, but it’s my favourite place to sneak off to when he’s not looking. The owner, Ms Davies, loves me off. She always starts every visit by telling me what the animals have been up to. She has the biggest of eyes, which light up when she’s talking about her favourite pets. She lets me feed them if there’s time, and sometimes she even allows me to help out with cleaning and stuff.

  There’s one bearded dragon that I just love and I’ve kind of adopted. Dad says that if I show him I can be responsible then one day he might allow me to permanently adopt it. How am I meant to show him what being responsible is??? He says I need to clean my room more and lay the table, but what’s that got to do with looking after a lizard? Like really.

  We were meant to get a dog, but guess who’s allergic? James. When Mum and Dad were toying with the idea, we went to see a puppy, but all James could do was sneeze and sneeze the whole time we were there. At first, we thought he was playing around, but, after tests, the doctor said he was allergic. That put a stop to the puppy plans immediately. So annoying. I think that’s when I started to go off James – how can you be allergic to a harmless little puppy? I think Mum and Dad were kind of annoyed too, though they never said anything.

  So, yeah, I might just become a vet after all. James had to do work experience at Petsland last summer for two weeks, and all he did was complain. He said he couldn’t imagine anything more ‘boring, bland and soul-sucking’.

  I just thought: Well, that’s not going to be me when I become a vet. Ms Davies from Petsland has already confirmed I can do my work experience with her when the time comes.

  Mrs P says I’ll need to study hard if I’m to become a vet, urghhhh. Talking about studying, school is tomorrow. The only reason I’m not dreading it is because I’ll get to see Ade again. I wonder what she’ll make of everyone.

  

  Dear Diary,

  I DON’T WANT TO SAY I KNOW EVERYTHING, BUT I KNOW EVERYTHING! As soon as I saw Shanice, I just got the feeling that I was in the right place at the right time and BOOM: next thing you know, it turns out we’re in the same year at the same school? It’s mad! But amazing!

  I usually take ages to get up in the morning for school, but I was awake before the alarm today. I wasn’t that excited about school, as I was not looking forward to being the new girl, but was definitely excited to see Shanice again.

  My new uniform is okay, I guess, not as nice as the one from my old school. There’s a bright red jumper and a black blazer with the same red on the lapels and the school crest in the corner, and a black-and-red tie. I’ve seen worse.

  Since it was my first day, I decided to make a bit of an impression. I borrowed a pair of Bisi’s earrings – the blue sparkly hoops – to match my blue hair clips. I spritzed a bit of her perfume on my neck and wrists for good measure too; I hope she doesn’t notice this time. I swear she measures the bottle with a ruler; she always knows when I’ve used a bit, but this time I was one step ahead and added a bit of water to top the bottle up. I even nearly managed to convince Mum to let me take the bus, rather than her giving me a lift (I wanted to make the right impression on my first day – new school, new me and all that), but we agreed that she would drop me off round the corner, which was a touch less embarrassing. Can’t have it all, I suppose …

  Mum is so happy that I’m walking in on the first day with a friend. She wouldn’t stop smiling over breakfast (a bowl of that wholegrain cereal Bisi insists on instead of Coco Pops, which she says is healthier, bleurgh).

  ‘See how God works!’ Mum kept saying. ‘It was fate, me getting my braids done that day, and, if you hadn’t come with me, you wouldn’t have met Shanice!’

  ‘Shanice! Shanice!’ Funmi said, spilling orange juice all over the table with excitement. ‘When can we play with her again, Ade? She was so fun!’

  I hadn’t realised she’d been listening to the conversation – she had one arm in the cereal box, trying to fish out a free toy that wasn’t there.

  ‘I’m seeing her today, remember?’ I reminded her. ‘We’re going to the same school!’

  ‘Not fair!’ she shouted. ‘How come you get to play with her? Can I go too?’

  ‘No babies allowed at Archbishop,’ I said, sticking my tongue out. ‘We’re going to have loads of fun without you.’

  Funmi made a kind of hiccuping noise, the one she always does before she pretends to cry. ‘Not … fair … Mummy!’ she said, stamping her foot.

  ‘Well, I think it’s amazing you’ve made a new friend before starting, Ade,’ he said, trying to insert himself into the conversation. ‘That’s half the worry when you’re new, isn’t it?’ I ignored him; even he couldn’t ruin the start to my first day at Archbishop Academy.

  It’s much bigger than my old school and is up a massively, massively steep road. As soon as I realised this, I regretted getting Mum to drop me off that far away – the walk was so tiring! The school’s surrounded by loads of fields and woods and stuff too. The thing about this new town is it takes ages to get from one place to another.

  When I finally made it to the entrance, Shanice was waiting for me by the school gates, as we’d agreed. I spotted her immediately among the sea of people because of her chunky braids and jumper. Though she was in the same uniform as everyone else, she looked different, somehow more casual. Everything seemed a bit too big on her – her jumper sagged and was more burgundy than bus red like ours. Her trousers were baggy and her shoes slightly slipped off at the back. I’d forgotten how short she was!

  ‘Hey!’ she said. ‘Nice earrings!’

  ‘Thanks. They’re Bisi’s. I’d tell her you like them, but she doesn’t know I’ve got them!’

  She giggled, and we chatted about the rest of our weekend as we made our way into the classroom. The classrooms in Archbishop Academy seemed bigger than in my old school, with rows of grey chairs and blue lockers at the back, and the pupils in 8O were all sitting around, chatting, before the bell went.

  ‘I can’t wait to tell you all about everyone here,’ said Shanice. ‘There’s so much to say.’

  That’s when I heard Mr Oppong, our tutor, clear his throat behind us.

  ‘Here we go,’ Shanice said under her breath.

  ‘Shanice, I see you’ve already met your new classmate, Ade,’ he said.

  Shanice looked even shorter standing next to Mr Oppong, who is easily seven feet tall. (‘He never fails to remind us how he nearly went pro as a basketball player till his “injury”,’ Shanice told me later, shaking her head. ‘Well, now you’re stuck teaching us PE, mate!’)

  ‘Yeah, I have. We met at my dad’s shop over the weekend. Can’t wait to tell her all about the school,’ she said with a hint of sarcasm.

  Mr Oppong cleared his throat again and turned to me. ‘Yes, well. Welcome to Archbishop Academy and to 8O, Ade. We’re thrilled you’ll be joining us.’

  ‘Thanks, sir. I’m very happy to be here,’ I lied.

  ‘And, since the pair of you already seem to be firm friends, it would be nice if you could show Ade around the school and help her out on her first day,’ he said to Shanice. ‘Welcome her the Archbishop Academy way?’

  ‘Yes, sir,’ Shanice said.